Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Rambling ...

Even when your children are grown up, as a mother you will always worry. Sometimes you worry, that something might happen, than you worry, when something happens, and you will worry what will happen in the future. Sometimes that's exhausting.

Worry paralyzes me. I can't do anything, or if I do something, I'm so restless doing it, that it's no fun at all. The last few weeks were like that for me, but now it's looking up. So I've been spinning a little. Some of my own dyed fiber, and I can tell you that I'm sick of orange right now.

During my restlessness, I've been casting on and ripping out. Yarn cakes were the result. Nothing was speaking to me. I DO have wonderful yarn, but it's not what I want right now. The top yarn cake is from Sockpixie, a sock yarn, merino/bamboo blend in lovely colores. I only wound it, did not even try to knit it. The middle yarn is Uru lace yarn, which I've got from Sabine. I LOVE the color, but knitting with real lace yarn is something I have to get used to. I started a lace scarf, ripped it out, and started another one. I've got about 7" of it. The bottom yarn is Wollmeise for the "Frattello" socks from Yarnissima. I started that one too, it was so very big, I had to rip it out, and have to think about it some more.

The truth is, I'm bored with what I've got on my needles. There's the crochet star blanket, made with mercerized cotton. There's the "Bliss" blanket, made with the same mercerized cotton, knit entrelac, and the colores are so intensive, I have to take a break after every few rectangles, or I would go nuts. I still like it all, but will be glad when I'm done with knitting with mercerized cotton.
Kirsten made me aware of my feelings towards my current projects. Did you see what lovely shawl she knit, when she got bored with hers? Sometimes projects just feel right, and sometimes they don't.

I want to knit a pair of socks. I saw them in the new Knitter's magazine, they are designed by Cat Bordhi. I think she's my favorite sock designer. I didn't get the magazine yet. Don't know why I can't find it anywhere. I sure hope it's not sold out yet. The socks are called "Spring Thaw" and I just love them!

So, the last two evenings, I've been looking through all my knitting magazines. There's at least one project in every issue of "Interweaeve Kits" and "Knitter's magazine" I have,which I would like to do, but I do have other knitting magazines as well, and there was nothing in THOSE I wanted to knit. I'll be more careful in the future in buying knitting magazines. And also, why do I keep buying more knitting books? I have so many, and there are so many projects in all of them, added to the ones in my magazines. It would keep me busy for years, and years, and still, there's always a new book, a new design, which I WANT, absolutely MUST HAVE! That's crazy. This madness has got to stop, but how? :o)
I didn't take as many pictures of the pups this summer. It's always the same. They enjoy their days. Biko's doing pretty well, chasing the tennis ball, and swimming in the pool. She's now reached the point, where it's time for a bubble bath. She stinks! Getting soaking wet every day, and not drying totally, makes for the famous wet dog/old rag stink. I've been waiting for a really hot, hot day, so she would dry faster.

Sam's goofy as always. He bumped his head against a wall, not once, but twice. He was so excited to go outside, that he's twirling, well that's the same every time we go outside. But now he's got a wound over his right eye. Nothing too bad. He's staying away from every water source, except where he goes to drink some. He's almost destroyed his red ball, we introduced a new ball, but so far, he's rather playing with the red, of course. He might get a bath today too, which will leave all of us wet, wet, wet. Well, I'll get to it then, to get it over with.


shannon said...

dogs make me laugh. they are just the goofiest creatures. those big tongues hanging out of that huge smiling mouth...

momsue84 said...

I so understand your restlessness. I have been in that situation on several occasions. I usually experience startitis when I feel like that. And worry is my constant companion, as well. The price we pay for motherhood, I guess. Physical exercise helps when I feel anxious and can't concentrate. I'm not talking about a marathon. A walk around the block, perhaps. A swim. Gets the old endorphins moving. If it gets too bad, see a doc. You don't have to suffer with this!

Angelika said...

I'm in the same situation right now. Nothing strikes my interest, I have lines in my Rav queue and still don't want to do them.

Mr Puffy's Knitting Blog: said...

So nice to see Biko doing so well and happy (albeit smelly). Your yarn cakes are beautiful - I can't wait to see what you make with them!

T-Mom said...

Funny--that looks exactly like Timber's ball, except his is blue. :) I'm thinking of bathing mine, too, except I'm not sure Timber would ever dry out. He might wind up going to the groomers so they can turn their hurricane-speed driers on him and get him dry to the skin.

I'm not too surprised you're feeling a bit dissatisfied with your knitting--you've been really turning it out and even if you're doing something you love, sometimes you just have to take a break and come back to it fresh!

sgeddes said...

That happens to me all the time. I have no insight or cure for it, but the good news is that it usually passes. Right now I am enjoying the spinning I'm doing for the Tour de Fleece, I just hope I want to knit the yarn when i'm finished!

Anonymous said...

Some years ago someone, sensing my worried state of mind, told me the following rhyme:

"Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair,
it keeps you busy but you don't get anywhere"

Oh so true!
Thinking of it does not remove one's worries,
but it does lighten the load - it's worth a try.

Kris B said...

I'm a worrier too. I would think it's harder when they are grown up and not at home anymore. I hope some relief comes soon.

I have that same book/magazine madness here. As a matter of fact I have the magazine you are talking about with the Cat Bordhi socks in it.

Anonymous said...

I'm the same way with worry, projects and book acquistions. I semi feel that worrying holds some of the fears at bay. Magical thinking, I know.

The pups are cute! Sam, Sam, Sam. Silly boy.

Anonymous said...

Love the orange and blue combo. There must be something going around because lots of people seem to be feeling some knitting malaise. I know I'm having trouble myself. That's funny about the unending wet dog smell. Nimitz still smells like the woods on the Cape but we're waiting to bathe him until he has time to relax. I hope you find your perfect project to get you through this!

Kirsten said...

I'm back to feeling restless about my projects. Now that I've finished the shawl, I want to cast on something new, but I know that I really should finish a few of the things I've got on my needles first.

I'm looking forward to seeing that yarn plyed. The colors are gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

I am having the same problems - I have bought soooo many books this summer hoping to keep my spirit up but it has only frustrated me in the fact that there are not enough hours in the day to do all the WIPS I have & start anything new! I kind of go through this every summer - I think it is a good time to recharge with different loves and come back fresh.
Have you ever used Febreze on your dogs? It doesn't hurt them & mine always smells better when I use it!:)
You have been pumping out a lot of beautiful things - I am so glad I stumbled onto your blog - your are an inspiration to me! Try not to be too hard on yourself - you know the saying "If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy?" I hate it but it's true - take good care!

Anonymous said...

Ennui is such a boogelly thing to have. I hope you are feeling more cheery soon. I like your yarn cakes. Two are very green!!
I am also glad to hear Biko is feeling well, and I know that smell too!! Sam is very Red Ball focussed isn't he?? They look very happy and I love to see pictures of them in the yard!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, the children. It is awful when they are grown up and drive their own car.
My godchild Kathy died by a car accident 6 years ago. One year later my elder son became his driver's license. And I had fear when he was out of the house, jumped up from chair, when I heard a police sirene. Everything was fine, he didn't have an accident.

Then the younger one got his liscense. He had it for four weeks and this happened:
last year.
In the middle of the night, at 01:00, two policemen were standing at my door and asking me who it was who was driving my car. When I said "it is my son", they asked for a photo so that they could identify him because he had an accident. He did drive much much too fast and crashed into a forest at about 160 km/h. They told me, that he is in hospital and the doctors are fighting to save his life, but that they don't know whether he will survive or not.

He was in coma for several days and the doctors couldn't tell us if he will live, and if he will survive if he will be able to think, to walk, to move his arms.

That's one and a half year ago now. Dominik got through that without any handycap left. He has some grains, nothing else. He is healthy again.

But - I always had low blood pressure in all my life. Since this day I have high pressure.
I'm still afraid for him driving, always and always and always when he is out of the house. When will this ever end? Dominik doesn't remember much of the accident, he still drives fast and I don't know if he drives too fast when driving on the motorway or on lonely streets outside the town.


Anonymous said...

Yes, even before your child is actually born the worry starts. And you are right: it never stops!

I hope everything is fine with your children and your restlessness goes away soon.

I also have a lot of knitting books. We are not only yarnaddicts but also patternaddicts....

Cloudberry said...

Your test knit sock is beautiful, love the red color!
And I so understand your frustration... I feel like that from time to time. I have a lot on my list that I want to knit, but sometimes nothing seems to be the right project. And I get so restless when I don't have my needles between my hands ;)

And hey, who could resist a new knitbook.. ;)

Hope you'll have a great weekend :)

hakucho said...

I'm a worrier too. My boys say I worry too much, but I can help it. I was a basket case when my oldest flew for the first time by himself to British Colombia, 3 plane changes. I was very happy once he was home. Tonight he's driving up to Vermont in his old car. I won't sleep til he calls me when he gets there. I fully understand your worrying. We just can't help it ;)

Violiknit said...

I think I finally got over my knitting blah's. For some reason, it's always hats that get me interested again. Have fun with the puppy baths!